I can’t get no…Satisfaction…

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. John Piper.

I honestly think that in most of our lives we are seeking to be satisfied; longing to have that feeling of fulfillment & to have our hearts desire until we feel “content” with our lives. It will never come on it’s own, and I personally believe that it will never come apart from Christ. This is why…

I fell in love when I was 15. Smitten. I was running away from my own issues & towards someone who wanted so desperately to fix them. It was a golden opportunity. Two broken people trying to fix one another – romantic, consuming, captivating. Fast-forward a couple of years…

I ended up marrying that boy.

I once heard someone describe loving with muchness. He loved me with muchness. He loved me with a beautiful diamond ring. He loved me with a cute little VW Cabrio. He loved me with a beautiful house. He loved me with a puppy. He loved me with a new computer. He loved me with new clothes.

My love language is not gifts so during our short lived marriage, I died on the vine. I withered away and was found longing to be satisfied in my soul. You could have looked into our lives (as I’m sure many did) and we were perfect; flawless. Two beautiful people with a beautiful life & a beautiful child with beautiful things.

I remember one evening trying to describe the longing that I had – from across the room – and I remember going to bed feeling the most alone I’d ever felt. Everything that I had in my life and I was in the most dry place I’d ever been.

People run from even the most “perfect” lives searching for something deeper, something more. I ran in search of something that would fulfill my longing. It’s true, I couldn’t – even in the perfect life – get no satisfaction.

It wasn’t until our divorce was final & my soul became filled with Jesus Christ himself that I no longer longed for a satisfaction that this world could provide; I gave up all of the materialism because it didn’t mean anything to me, any longer.

Now, because I am satisfied eternally, I don’t need someone here, on earth, to try to satisfy me with muchness. I am already satisfied. Now, I can be satisfied with people who are flawed & who don’t have much to give because I don’t find my worth in what people have to offer. I find my worth in what Jesus Christ offered me when He chose to give up his life.

Love,

I’m a Capricorn; so what?

07. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

So, I’m not really interested in writing about how I’m a Capricorn & why a lot of the things I do and the ways that I act are “so Capricorn”. 

I am interested in sharing why I don’t support or agree with horoscopes or surrounding yourself with those things; they misguide people & they are completely unworthy of our thoughts and energy. I spent quite a chunk of my early twenties reading & conspiring over how fitting a specific horoscope was or how far off it was. If I was having a good day it was probably because my horoscope predicted such events in my near future. And, if my horoscope predicted love; every single man that came up to me was probably “the one”. 

The truth is, they’re silly. If they seem fitting it’s either because of wishful thinking or mere coincidence. And, to take it a step further, I’d say that only God truly knows what tomorrow brings – so, I’d keep that little fact in your back pocket the next time you read that your day isn’t going to be so hot. Christ said that He gives life & He gives it abundantly.

So, fill your mind with some truth & break the tight grip that you have on the false promises of this world. Trust God, only He knows the future anyway, I guarantee it. 

Thirty Interesting Facts?!?

06. Write thirty interesting facts about yourself.

so much pressure! 

1. I’m both the youngest (older brother on my moms side) and the oldest (two younger sisters and a younger brother on my dads side) making me also a middle child. 

2. My all time favorite singer is Reba.

3. I went to 5 Elementary Schools, 1 Middle School & 2 High Schools. (I only remember the names of 2/5 Elementary Schools)

4. I graduated High School weighing just 100lbs.

5. I met my dad for the first time when I was 7 years old. 

6. My favorite shows when I was little were Days of Our Lives & Oprah…explains so much 😉 

7. My favorite Disney Princess is Belle because A. she likes to read and B. she’s a brunette. 

8. I love cats because my great grandmother, Cassie, loved cats & I grew up helping her with her Cat, Rosie. We also helped other random animals such as fallen birds & a squirrel that fell down from the electrical wire. My grandmother also had 3 pet raccoon during that time…

9. I grew up with a Husky (dog), Crystal – we shared the same birthday & she lived until we were 19.

10. I once went on a date with an Oncologist who lived in Virginia – who sent me a text after the date telling me that I would make a great wife for him (before I even made it to my car). It would have been flattering except that we had zero common interest & hardly spoke the same language. 

11. One of my favorite things to do is talk in a southern accent, drive around random towns in Oklahoma looking for my “grandpa” 😉 Where my sister & I typically end up in some small town graveyard taking pictures. 

12. I met my first boss while I was a take out server @ Outback Steakhouse – we started chatting and I told her that I was in search of an office job – she received my resume & I was offered a job within a week.

13. I started the above mentioned job as a girl who answered the phones & eventually moved up not only 25k (doubling my salary) a year but I eventually worked on the 34th floor & traveled frequently by the time I reached age 23.

14. I was a single mom for 4.5 years & I’d say they were some of the best years for my daughter & I. We have a relationship unlike any I’ve ever witnessed. Very Gilmore Girls. 

15. I have a girl crush on said Gilmore Girls. 

16. My favorite month used to be October but has now become November; 2 babies & turkey…what more could a girl ask for in a month? 

17. I categorize things into 2 categories…”Mandy” or “Not”…my favorite line is “that is so Mandy” and typically, those who know me are correct in their predictions. 

18. I quit my job making really great money in order to become a waitress so that I could work 3 12 hours days in order to spend the other 4 days with my daughter, never having to send her to daycare until she reached Kindergarten. 

19. Some of my favorite things are… red wine, hot tea, a good book, a bubble bath, smelly lotion, perfume, flavored coffee…

20. I pretend that I don’t like puppies – I do… until they chew on my shoes…

21. My favorite outfit is an oversize sweater & skinny jeans.

22. I secretly (or not so secretly) think that I’m hilarious. But, only around people that I’m comfortable with. So, to the rest of the world I am just quiet. 

23. I can’t play an instrument to save my life. I’ve tried; I have no rhythm. 

24. I believe that putting a flower in your hair and adding a touch of lip-gloss immediately makes you more attractive; regardless of whether or not said hair has been brushed.

25. I’ve been to 24 states; my goal before I die is to take a road trip to all of them, eventually. 

26. I love sushi. 

27. I once drove over an hour to get a coffee from Dunkin Donuts while I was living in Oklahoma.

28. Put me in a room full of women & I’m one of the most insecure people but you’d never be able to tell (sshh.. ;))

29. I hope to one day encourage & influence women in the same way that Beth Moore has encouraged & influenced me. 

30. It has taken me 5 x’s as long to write this blog post than every single other one…. combined.

A New Heaven…

So considering day 5s original topic is… 05. A time you thought about ending your own life… kind of drab. I’m going to instead write about how some days, I do indeed long for eternity.

Sometimes (such as a few weeks ago, when twenty 6 year old children were killed) I hate being here. I don’t like waking up knowing that someone could shoot up an elementary school (my daughter is in 1st grade). Or that going to the movies isn’t safe (but, who has time for THAT anyway?). I don’t like knowing that in the neighborhood that my husband works in, people die often; it’s not uncommon for him to go back to work after a weekend & hear of yet another twenty something being murdered. I don’t like the fact that I have to worry about cancer risk or the fact that my husband is a cancer survivor (I like that he survived but not that 5 year old children even get cancer in the first place).

This world is a mess. Sure, there are islands where people can escape to and pretend, for a short period, that darkness doesn’t surround us – but then, they turn on the news and it’s everywhere. We can’t get away from it. I think about these things and I long for the day that Jesus, the Son of God, will return in all of His glory and He will make all things new.

I am so grateful that I have nothing to fear in this life because I know that Jesus has defeated death and the worst thing that could possibly happen to me here has no weight compared to the promises of God.

So, although, I don’t think about ending my own life, I do long for the day when humanity will no longer have that desire because life here will be worth living.

 

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more, neither shall there be anguish (sorrow and mourning) nor grief nor pain any more, for the old conditions and the former order of things have passed away.

And He Who is seated on the throne said, See! I make all things new. Also He said, Record this, for these sayings are faithful (accurate, incorruptible, and trustworthy) and true (genuine).

And He [further] said to me, It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I [Myself] will give water without price from the fountain (springs) of the water of Life.

He who is victorious shall inherit all these things, and I will be God to him and he shall be My son. (Revelation 21:4-7)

 

Love.

Religion?

04. Your views on religion.

 This may come as a surprise – but, I’m sort of “anti” religion. I’m not anti relationship with God & others – but, I’m anti people using a cause to justify their terrible decisions. I’m anti using the name of God to blow up abortion clinics. I’m anti following around the families of fallen soldiers in the name of “God”. I’m anti men putting up billboards claiming that the world is ending. I’m basically anti every ounce of “fame” that is given to God by the whackos that claim to know Him in our American Culture. I’m also anti men flying planes into towers in the name of “Allah”. I’m anti justifying hate crimes against others because “God told you to”. I’m anti false prophets. I’m anti people claiming to hear from God only to fill the minds of others with their sinful desires. 

I’m anti American religion. 

I’m anti mega churches. I’m anti television broadcasters that claim to offer healing if you send them a financial gift of just 25.00.

I’m anti claiming to know God and living like a hypocrite.

I’m pro helping the single moms. I’m pro loving my neighbor. I’m pro giving to the homeless. I’m pro stopping to talk to a child. I’m pro sitting down to get to know someone on a deeper level. I’m pro gathering with others to learn more about Jesus. I’m pro living on less in order to give more. I’m pro speaking truth to my children as long as I’m willing to live it out. I’m pro praying before meals. 

Basically, I’m pro love. 

Jesus said “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.”

27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Love.

 

Just Say No

03. Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I type…delete…type. It’s one of those topics. The kind that I have an abundant amount to say but I lack the correct wording to clearly state an opinion without too much emotion. My opinion in short is: say no to drugs & don’t get drunk. But, I’ll elaborate a little bit on both in order to make the blog post worth reading.

I’ll begin by saying that I’ve never done drugs but I’ve been in the same room while they were being done & I’ve had my share of too much to drink so I’m not speaking out of lack of poor decisions on my part when I speak on the topic.

The problem with drugs is this: they more often than not, in my experiences, are stronger than their user. That’s why they are dangerous. In the same way that a person could at anytime lose control of their motor vehicle and be overtaken, that is what drugs do. They are immensely stronger than their user but their user begins walking down that path believing that they have complete control… & then, they hit the black ice & crash, quickly realizing that any control they thought they may have once vanishes as if a vapor. An illusion. That is what drugs give; they give a person the illusion that they are in control. They are in fact, never in control.

I’ve watched someone stare directly into my face & explain to me that they are stronger than the drugs – that they “got this” – while stealing my things & lying to my face. 

So, the truth is that – no, you don’t “got this” – it’s got you. And, the drugs will always win when they are in the game. 

And, well, I guess I’ll also share my opinion on alcohol. I love a glass of wine or a beer with pizza (which reminds me, I need a date night with my hubby soon!) but I do not love a drunk person. I don’t appreciate being put into uncomfortable situations because someone has decided that they feel the need to drink a little bit too much. I’ve been that person too & my word, I wish that someone would have slapped me. 

I could go into detail about how I saw more alcohol growing up than most people should probably ever see – but there’s no need – just like drugs, if you don’t have control of the alcohol, it has control of you – one or the other is ALWAYS in control. And, if you’re drunk texting, commenting inappropriately or forgetting your time spent, I’d say – the alcohol has control of you. 

So yeah, let’s keep it classy & respect ourselves and those around us. K?

Love.

 

the future is looking bright

Day 2: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

This is an interesting question because I know that I would have never seen myself where I am today, even 2 years ago… So, I guess, I’ll reach into my “pocket full of dreams” and pick out a couple and trust that I’ll be exactly where I’m supposed to be in 10 years.

Married. Duh 🙂

Writing. Hopefully in 10 years I would have been able to stay focused on my writing long enough to have at least 1 book published (at least 1, I’m hoping for more!).

Coffee Shop. My ultimate goal has always been to open some type of small coffee shop where I can do what I love best; serve people (with coffee) and focus on my writing career. At this point; I don’t know if that coffee shop would be focused more towards middle class America or towards the homeless. I don’t know if it would be shabby chic or just not too shabby.

Degrees & such. Hopefully, by the time ten years have passed I would have finished my degree in Christian Counseling & potentially have earned my masters in Psychology so that I can be working hand-in-hand with a church as a Christian Counselor helping to offer healing, through Christ, to women that need it most.

The Church. So, as you may or may not know…my Husband will likely be planting a church somewhere (likely in Baltimore)…so, I’ll likely be the wife of a pastor in the next 10 years.

Children. We have 2. I won’t be having anymore (fingers crossed) but as far as adoption goes — who knows? Our door is always open.

That’s about what I hope my life looks like in about 10 years or so, Lord willing.

Love.